I don’t want to do this anymore.

I don’t want to appear ungrateful, that is why I’ve put up with certain things for so long. I just mentally can’t do this normal weekend routine any longer. I feel like it’s mum always snapping her fingers and expecting me to be at hers for dinner. It’s difficult as I feel like I’m a let down if I don’t go. Then I’m made to feel bad that I can’t get up during the day after being unable to sleep at night. The fact that, despite having a bath, I’ve worn the same outfit (changed underwear) for 3 days means that depression is starting to set in. I just feel like certain aspects of life is getting to me. That’s going to destroy me if I just keep going along with a routine I can’t stand. If I use my own mind then I risk being accused of being indoctrinated by other family members who have previously walked away. Then, as my mother helped with decorating, I feel ungrateful for walking off and saying I want to not have life this way any longer.

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