Thanks for all the Birthday messages. / Today has been okay. 5 out of 10 for a birthday.

I don’t rate today that highly because I haven’t even been out for a walk due to the awful weather. I haven’t been for a walk in two days. I feel quite enclosed in four walls after that long. I doubt that I’m going to sleep tonight… again. I haven’t done a lot today. I point blankly decided that I wasn’t going to do housework on my birthday. There’s nothing that won’t wait until tomorrow. The only thing I did was vacuum the bits that the cats constantly leave behind every single day. Then took the washing out the machine so that it would dry but that was done yesterday. I wouldn’t have done those things unless it had been necessary. I’ve had a lot of birthday messages over different platforms online today. Thank you to all that have sent me birthday wishes today. I’ve drank a bit of alcohol tonight…. which I should really give up. It may be my birthday but I drink nearly every evening at the moment. I’m not even bothered that I’m gaining weight any longer. I realise by my age that you’re either skinny while not enjoying life or be fat fully indulging in everything that makes life feel easier. I used to be extremely disciplined when it came to daily walks, sometimes the gym (but that varied) and alcohol was never part of my life. I don’t remember the last time I did proper exercise which wasn’t just a walk locally. It all just seems hard compared to how it felt when I did those things as part of my lifestyle. I couldn’t do any of those things when I got to a state of being constantly exhausted. I hate having insomnia alongside feeling exhausted. The battle is quite tough on a daily basis. That makes me even more tired when I can’t balance a proper pattern. I suffer from the trauma that I’ve been through which may never go away. I feel like I’m constantly trying to climb an invisible wall just attempting to function on a daily basis.

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