I shouldn’t take things personally but it’s hard not to do that when people basically tell me to shut up. Albeit they said it nicely but it still makes me feel like I’m being told I’m not worthy to communicate with them. I make huge efforts to do things for others. I do that due to my past. It rebuilds positive karma when you make up for the negative karma which occurred while I was growing up. I still would prefer to be appreciated though. I take my time to do things. I didn’t have to do certain things but I still go the extra mile.
I feel that more people should go the extra mile because a lot of positive change could happen if we all had that frame of mind. I know that there are boundaries. However, I feel like others constantly push me away. That makes me feel not good enough! That has so much of a negative effect on my self esteem and mental health. That has given me mental illness on top of my autism. I try to tell people that I’m no threat to them but they still seem to fear me. I’m as soft as a bunny rabbit. I even have got nicknamed hamster by a friend due to my personality. I wouldn’t have a cute nickname if I was scary. I am quite nervous every single day of my life. I’m naturally fearful of others due to the harm I’ve been subjected to previously. It’s not easy to get over. I don’t think I will ever not be fearful. People misinterpret that timidness of my personality as acting suspicious. I apparently ‘scurry around’ and ‘hide’ quite a lot in social situations around other people. I am even like that with my own family.