Babies on the brain. :/

I don’t want to go there. I am just a typical female fuelled by the desire to become a mum which seems to get stronger when approaching mid 30s. I even looked at sperm banks tonight after my ovulation test confirmed my fertility window. I was stupid to even buy those things but they were cheap on eBay and I got curious. I desperately wanted to know if I could potentially have another baby. There’s a lot I need to consider before I make a definite decision. I can’t just go with anyone to get pregnant again. Even if you go there with a friend, or someone you think is a friend, it’s too complicated. As a 20 something, that is something I never even considered. I was reckless back then. I’m not always settled nowadays but I’m less spontaneous. It’s better to think about decisions before you just wander off and decide to do them. Yes, part of me is longing to have another child so that I have a second chance. The sensible half of me is saying that I’m fuelled by hormones which I should just ignore. I’m not that old yet. The test points that I will probably be able to get pregnant quite easily for at least a few years. I do miss my son. That doesn’t make it easy to go ahead with the idea either as it feels like I’m replacing him. I know that isn’t true. However, it feels like that as he isn’t in my life due to his adoption. I feel frustrated because I want to go for it but circumstances are holding me back. Yes, I could probably get any male friend to go there with me but that idea was previously a huge disaster the first time around.