I made a huge mistake coming back to this area.

I can’t settle here in this area mentally. There’s too many awful memories here. Right from school to my sons adoption. I was a fool to think that I could ‘make it work’. I simply cannot deal with the memories here. I never wanted to return. I merely returned under duress as it was a choice between losing my son at birth or moving to my mums home to have him. Ironically, this years tutor for my open university law module used to work as a care and adoption solicitor for a local authority. I know I shouldn’t judge people by their previous roles but it’s hard to accept those people after what I’ve been through. I don’t think this topic is being covered on this years module so hopefully the elephant in the room doesn’t come up. If certain topics arise then I won’t hold back my opinion in discussions. I’m going to find it extremely difficult to stay neutral on certain issues. I will work with others but I don’t have to agree with them. I just feel that to change things I’m going to have to go up against everyone professionally which is going to make me unpopular. That is difficult with those they knew me as a child where I grew up. As much as I’d like to be the driving force of changes within social care etc, I’m still a lot younger than them who had the upper hand while I was growing up here. I still look like a child. I got asked for I.D when buying alcohol earlier this evening. The person asking me to prove my age couldn’t have been more than a teenager to early 20s. She was like really? To my date of birth listed on my driving license. Yes I’m in my 30s believe it or not. I’m going to be stressed out enough doing sober October from tomorrow. I need to do it though because I’ve gained weight through drinking nearly every night for a few months. How am I going to stay sober and deal with the memories from this area where I grew up? It’s going to be hard.

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