Decided to continue open university due to limited options.

I looked into the options regarding open university module cancellation. I discovered that it is too late to cancel both the module and the student loan. I’m therefore deciding that reluctantly I’m going to do this module. If I do manage to pass again (should do because it’s still a similar level to last years module) I can use the 250 credits towards any future degree studies. Those will add up to 500 credits once I’ve done this module. I still get something despite not liking the law subject. I would be fine if I could figure out how to correctly do the right structure, I.e IRAC format because the fact that I can’t do it properly stresses me out. I also lost marks on assignments due to lacking those skills. I luckily made up my marks to a pass with detailed content relating to the questions we were set. I also got an email today informing me that as I haven’t got a specific needs report regarding my disability difficulties my status is going to be changed to non special needs on my study profile and therefore I won’t be able to access any extra help this year. That is going to be adding to the difficulty. I won’t be able to get extra times on exams etc.

Long day! Sleep shouldn’t be an issue tonight.

I should sleep quite quickly tonight. I went for a two hour walk after I got up. I carried my two shopping bags back home. I cleaned the bird poop off of my car. I vacuumed around my flat. Then I painted the second coat of paint on one of the walls. I was using the paint brush rather than the roller which took me quite a while due to having to make sure it was blended as well as evenly covered. I think it may need a touch up coat as the darker colour underneath is still slightly visible. I may be drinking alcohol daily but I’m pretty sure that I’ve most likely burnt off enough calories today to prevent weight gain.

I’m doing the sober October thing because I need to get used to not drinking alcohol regularly again. I don’t mind the weight gain but I don’t want to gain much more. I’m comfortable being a size 12 but being bigger probably won’t suit my looks. I like the way that alcohol consumption has increased certain areas of my body. I have very enhanced curves at the moment. I no longer look like a child. I have grown up in the way I look now. I’m finding that many more people are seeing me as attractive. Maybe I do look better slightly bigger. I spent way too long constantly trying to stay a size 8 to 10. That made me miserable. I couldn’t eat much food which makes me grumpy. I’m not advocating being fat but you’ll never be happy if you’re constantly letting numbers (either on scales or clothes size) define your worth. We can’t all be supermodel sizes. The average size for women in the U.K. is 12. There are very few women who actually can fit into a size 6, 8 or 10. I’m getting to my mid 30s which is a time where females start building fat stores if they’ve had a child. It is extremely difficult for those of us with hormone imbalance to not have excess fat in certain areas. I have this issue regularly which is probably not helped by the cyst on one of my ovaries. I just don’t see the point in getting stressed about weight any longer. I accept that I’m on the curvy side and it no longer bothers me.