Now I’m awake again… questioning my current decisions regarding my future.

I fell asleep straight away with no issues… I then had to get up for the toilet which has woken me up. I woke up hungry too. I’m not eating anything yet because it’s too early after waking up at 5am. I don’t want to lay here doing nothing so here I am. I keep thinking that I’ve made the wrong decision to continue with the law degree via the open university. I feel like I’ve made the wrong decision. I am building up a reluctance to the whole plan. I felt pushed into continuing by family. I’m now seriously thinking that the subject is just going to make me feel weighed down and miserable. I feel stressed before my module start date has even arrived. Those worries aren’t helping my sleep issues. I have already had the loan approved by student finance so that may not be easy to reverse. I don’t like to be a person who quits challenging things easily. I have to accept that there are limits to my functioning and intelligence level. If the challenge is too great then it could mentally crush me again destroying any progress I’ve managed to make so far. I’m already exhausted quite a lot before even starting the module. I sometimes don’t have enough energy to do every day things. Then, if there is another national lockdown due to a second wave of the virus, we could have bits of our module reorganised or cancelled. I don’t think that there is any actual exams we have to attend on this module but it’s still confusing for those of us trying to get our head around the content of the module, alongside the expected structure of our written work. I just feel that 2020 isn’t a good year to make any decisions due to what has already occurred. I would rather my life be uncomplicated at the moment. I don’t want to push myself too much. I don’t feel ready but at the same time I know that this is probably as close to normal functioning as I can reach.

One thought on “Now I’m awake again… questioning my current decisions regarding my future.

  1. I think you can do it, and that you should stick with it. Yes, it will be hard work, but I think the result will be worth it for the sense of achievement you gain from having done it; I think backing out now carries quiet a hefty risk of being another thing that didn’t work out. That’s not to say there is a definite One Right Answer, but my opinion is to continue, and that if this climate isn’t the right one to be making decisions, it is perhaps the decision to quit that should not be made.

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