Sleeping is difficult at the moment.

I have always had sleep issues due to my autism. I just can’t sleep at all properly at the moment. I constantly keep waking up. I got woken up by the cat after only falling asleep an hour ago. I need to stop drinking alcohol every night. That habit makes sleeping harder. I’m getting fluid in my ankles alongside weight gain. I think my body has an issue with alcohol consumption that regularly. I never used to drink for a long time until lockdown happened. I already weakened my organs by painkiller abuse. I’m starting to feel old now. I never felt the damage in my twenties but since hitting thirty it’s like being flung into a brick wall. I don’t like the fluid in my ankles as it makes them ache. I even put my legs up a lot which doesn’t help much. I ache all around my lower back and hips. That doesn’t make it comfortable to get any sleep. I seem to wake up even when I manage to fall asleep. It’s getting ridiculous now. I’m trying to get my flat sorted but this is slowing the process down. I’m always too tired to do things. I even struggled to do my long walk today. I found hills extremely hard compared to when I used to walk regularly. I probably feel weighed down due to weight gain. I don’t feel supported because no one understands the sleep issues aren’t a choice. I’m not trying to be difficult. It is what it is. I cannot change it. Especially now that the gp no longer prescribes sleeping tablets on a long term basis anymore. They never considered those of us with chronic sleep issues when the new guidelines was put in place. I’m sure that those with sleep disorders aren’t having a great time without medication either. I’m suffering due to sleep deprivation over many months at the moment. It’s making me hate life and then I just want to drink alcohol again. The cycle is like an endless uphill struggle.

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