Frustration and tiredness, accompanied by insomnia, won today.

I couldn’t sleep properly last night and I couldn’t wake up today. The next part of the painting didn’t get done because I couldn’t get out of bed today until mid afternoon. I had a doctors phone appointment this afternoon. I missed that too. I’m trying to be reasonable but after years of suffering with no answers to my health issues, occasionally I get a little frustrated. I have been messed about so much in my life that I sometimes can’t be bothered. It’s not that I’m giving up. I just don’t believe that there will ever be a solution. I have waited many years so far. I go through the stages thinking that I’m getting somewhere, only to be let down at the last moment. That continually means starting from scratch. Someone can only go through that a certain amount of times without losing interest and the determination that they had for many years. I can only take a certain amount of disappointment. I used to bounce back like a spring but it’s harder when health issues are making me tired. Tiredness naturally makes people impatient. I find it hard enough to function socially when I’ve slept okay; I’m hopeless when I’ve not been able to sleep. I’m fed up with life in general. The decorating is taking longer than I had planned. Then I have days like this where nothing gets done so it takes longer.

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