I’m sure that I can’t be the only one that gets overwhelmed enough to cry. I haven’t actually cried yet. I have felt like crying over the last week during the late evenings. I’m not just a ‘hormonal’ woman. I have so much to sort out. That means spending more time around other people. I got used to being on my own for weeks during lockdown which I enjoyed because I’m the kind of person that suits that lifestyle. The title ‘Diary of a painfully shy INTROVERT’ is a huge hint that I like my alone time. I still haven’t totally got over the things that I have been through at the hands of other people either. I don’t know about anyone else but this year has made me feel ‘stuck in time’. I want to move forward. Lockdown delayed my plans and then I no longer was up to doing some of them. I normally write my entries on my mobile phone. I’m using my laptop more recently because I need to get it ready for starting my open university module in October. The laptop freezes a lot if I don’t use it regularly. I didn’t use my laptop for ages unless I was ordering my medication (auto login which I haven’t got set up on my phone).
I have always been resilient after enduring a vast amount of discrimination. I feel that I’m losing that resilience as I get older. More recently, I have just felt like giving up on all my previous goals. I’m always tired even when I don’t have insomnia. I no longer have the same energy which enabled me to bounce back when I was younger. I just cannot be bothered to fight against discrimination now. I don’t know why I have changed so much. I never thought that I’d be the type to give up trying to combat discrimination. That discrimination and mistreatment has literally sapped all my energy after continuously going through one experience to another without a break.