I find it difficult when I get asked out by men. I literally feel horrible for brushing it off. I am nice about it. I just say that I prefer being single. I can’t say that I don’t want to start seeing them as it infers that it’s something about them. It’s definitely me. I’m not open about being gay. I have always felt punished for my sexuality due to how I’ve been treated. I was always labelled negatively every time that side of me was shown to others. I’m not prepared to live a lie. I can’t be with a man because it would just feel wrong. I’m not confused about my sexuality. I know exactly who I am. I find it hard to attract females. They just don’t seem to like me.
The whole landscape of dating as a lesbian is complex. You have to be the whole package rather than just look attractive. There are many women that prefer to date butch lesbians rather than those of us who look feminine. I can’t understand why. It doesn’t make sense … they may as well go out with men if that is what they find attractive. I was hurt by someone that has put me off ever falling for another woman again. They also seem to be worse players than men.