I just need to get away from life.

I absolutely hate every single day of my existence. I’m always tired, stressed and cannot deal with life. I feel overwhelmed by just existing. I can’t find enjoyment in anything that I used to do. I literally wake up feeling resentful towards another day. I know that it’s selfish to not be grateful for being alive, especially recently after so many people have lost their lives to the virus or delays caused by lockdown. I’m not even suicidal. I am just not bothered about living life because I feel numb. I’ve lost my ability to feel emotions. I’m aware that this is a symptom of mental illness. I used to be the opposite. I did suffer when I actively felt the trauma I’d been through. Somehow, the numb state seems to feel worse. I’ve heard that antidepressants induce that state after you’ve taken them for a few years. I don’t feel alive any longer. I feel like I’m existing in a haze. I need friends but, at the same time, I simply can’t stand people around me. I just switch off because of how others have hurt me when I’ve been down on my luck. Self protection is the only way never to be labelled negatively again or get into legal trouble. I finally took the curse off of she who can’t be named. Ms I’m taking a restraining order out on someone without bothering to get to know them first. She wanted to be free of all energy which was around us due to the situation. It’s now gone. She won’t even think of me in passing anymore. I took the curse off and also did a forget me spell. I wish that I could forget the whole thing as easily. If it works then they’ll forget that they’ve even met me. They’re released from any previous spell work done by either me or others on my behalf. They wanted to be free. The wish is granted. I will always stupidly care. It doesn’t matter what I want and I should forbid them from any involvement in my future after all that crap that happened.