It’s going to be a long night.

I did try to get to bed earlier but I still can’t sleep. I’m not feeling comfortable due to my monthly giving me aches. They aren’t painful but niggling at me enough to keep me awake. I just have to get through this part which is over in a few days. I started taking my medication before it gets to the point of flooding. I’m trying to be in front of it so that I’m able to do everyday normal things. I don’t want to get to the point where it’s kicked off to the stage that I can’t move without causing a mess. I have to stay in control by timing the medication properly. I don’t want to go through the repetition of last months extremely embarrassing incident when I had a major mess by the time I made it home. If it is due to rogue hormones then I’m hoping that the doctor can do something. I won’t find out until I have my blood test next week. I have tried the pill a long time ago when I was a teenager. I ended up more moody on it. Also, the injection pill (lasts 3 months – you don’t get periods) had the side effect of weight gain. I went up about 7 stone after just one dosage of that one. That is one of the side effects that aren’t pleasant. I also have heard stories about another female autistic having these types of issues. They got prescribed the pill and it ended up causing their death. The pill can cause blood clots and that is what happened her. There are other things like the implant but they can make bleeding worse in a percentage of cases. I actually met a woman who had been told that it would help stop her heavy monthlies but it caused her more issues. I don’t feel comfortable having any device inserted into my body.

I don’t think we should mess around with these things unless we have no choice. I know that I don’t have much of a choice since I’ve started getting issues during my monthly. I’m just going to end up anaemic if I have those flooding issues every month. That’s a vicious circle because I end up having no energy. That means I still am unable to function properly. I never build up my energy again as by the time my iron levels are okay it’s the time I lose it all again. I also get brain fog when my levels have plummeted. I actually forgot my bank card PIN number the other day. I have had the exact same number for many years. I just permanently forgot it out of the blue. I do forget things but normally only temporarily. Those things normally pop back into my head at some point. That never came back to me so I had to request a new one. I am used to having a disorganised brain. I haven’t learned to avoid living chaotically yet. I get annoyed with my messy untidy surroundings. I find it impossible to fix those issues to a standard where I can relax within my space. I feel on edge tonight. That could be hormones or the chaos that is currently the state of my flat. I have made an effort to sort it but it never looks neat.