The blood test that I was supposed to have got cancelled today. They waited until an hour before the appointment to let me know that it was cancelled. That wasn’t the worse thing about getting a text but they also put that I didn’t need a blood test. The doctor has been asking me to go since the week before we locked down. I was told that I would have to wait until lockdown had been lifted. There is now no record on the computer about that request. I was told that it was due to my medication that they had to do one. I have a medication review via phone next week. I had the receptionist ring me up out of the blue to arrange that two weeks ago. The message I left regarding my other issues with my monthlies seems to have been discarded. I cannot carry on like that because I cannot even do everyday things. I can’t do anything but hope that the tablets work to stop the flood. That don’t keep working as sometimes I have to keep taking them because until I have a few dosages in me the flooding returns. The fact that I keep spotting before I actually come on is also not normal for me. That’s not how it used to be until that night. I had all the tests which turned up clear. Which is why I considered cryptic pregnancy because nothing else including a positive pregnancy test was showing. I keep having pregnancy symptoms that are mild. They aren’t there half the time. I also saw four magpies while I was walking today. I haven’t seen a group of them since I was pregnant the first time around. It probably means nothing but you normally only see them in pairs because they’re not animals that gather in groups much. I’m just hoping that things work themselves out because my body is driving me crazy at the moment.
I still won’t find out whether I’m right for a while yet. I’ve thought about it and I really hope that I’m not … it wouldn’t be the end of the world but I’m not ready to fight in the family court arena if they try to take subsequent children from me. I’m too weak to win. You need to have the ability to keep going day and night until the case goes in your favour. I’m mentally not strong enough to do that again yet. You’re not guaranteed to be safe if you’ve had any previous children forcibly adopted. Those of us with long term disability, especially mental illness are always the first ones targeted by social services. They say that they will provide help to parents but that isn’t what makes them money. The fostering/adoption system is a goldmine. The CEOs in the companies that do private business on behalf of the local councils are extremely rich. Some have houses as big as villages like Barwell. They take from the vulnerable to fund possessions that are more expensive than most of us will ever lay our eyes on. I don’t begrudge anyone’s wealth but if they got that wealth by corruption which ruins the lives of others then that doesn’t sit well with me. They’re getting paid more for ruining lives than helping people. That wasn’t how our original system was designed. Even if it was then, by the year 2020, we should have developed more humanity towards each other.