I’m so close to considering leaving this world. I’m tired, not physically, but more so emotionally. I can’t stand being me anymore. I can’t stand being psychic intuitive in the current circumstances surrounding us at the moment. It’s stressful when I can pick up things or dream them before it happens. I never get any peace. I can’t turn these things off so there is no other option but to end myself. I will finally be free of life’s restrictions and these things that drive me crazy. I don’t want to see or feel things that I am powerless to prevent. I can’t be completely open about those things because people assume that I’m weird. I’m trying to get away from that label. Then there are the other types who like to blame me for the things I see. That makes me feel terrible about seeing future predictions in dreams that aren’t pleasant. I dreamt that my own dad was going to pass away 8 weeks before it actually happened. I never wanted that to happen. I wish that he was still here now. I cannot change what is meant to be even if I wanted to do that in my own life.
I just can’t do it any longer. It’s too intrusive. I don’t know why whatever gave me these abilities thought that I could handle them or even be responsible using them. I can’t handle them because it’s draining. Especially during a pandemic when there was major sadness and anxiety sweeping across the world in the path of the virus. I care too much to be able to live being that intuitive any longer. I’m just destined to get myself into trouble if I appear to know too much or try to involve myself because I care. I need my peace and there is no way of ending it unless I end me. On top of my own life experiences which caused me trauma, I simply get too overwhelmed with the extra stuff. I get so tired that I end up in tears. I doesn’t help my depression. The person that died from cancer in my family recently was my godmother. I never spent much time around her as I grew up but after I heard the news I kept thinking about her. She was only 60 and her death was a shock to all of us on that side of the family. She had never even smoked, ate reasonably and I’m quite sure she never drank much alcohol. I was thinking about her for weeks before my mum revealed to me that she was one of my godparents. I haven’t seen her for many years because I moved away for a while and when I came back everyone had grown apart. I find it highly unlikely that she would have been around me after her death unless she had joined my dad (they were cousins). I feel my dad around me regularly. I still see him in my dreams occasionally. He wouldn’t like me to be considering this option but it’s my choice. It’s madness in this world for someone who is sensitive. The pain radiating around the atmosphere at this moment in time is more intense than its ever been in my lifetime previously.