I had the constant fight for balance.

I’m not sure how I managed to function over the last few days. I have probably only had 4 hours sleep. I’m only counting sleep which wasn’t disturbed by constantly waking up. I woke up far too late to take my medication yesterday so that made things even more unbalanced. I managed to wake up early enough to take it today. Although my head still hasn’t balanced out yet. I will let you all into something I don’t normally admit because it’s a dangerous way to cope… antidepressants cut out the noise of being naturally intuitive. It’s not a good tactic but it’s one I adopted since a teenager (way too late to change that now). That is why when I miss my medication the abilities and everything I try to block out tries to reach me. I am aware that running from things that were meant to be is a bad idea but the alternative is something I couldn’t stand before I was put on antidepressants. There are some down sides to actively blocking things with medication. I could probably write a book in a few weeks off of medication due to being able to write better. I stunted half my creative abilities too but I think it’s for the best. I know that I’ve written a lot of information to people off my medication furled by things I can pick up. I can’t even remember most of those things. It’s not even mental illness. It’s like being possessed and you’re aware of the issue but you can’t disconnect. I can’t get the world to understand so I have to disconnect myself chemically in the only way that I can get the outside non believer world to cooperate. I would rather not just know things about those I only just met and that side of me gets involved in relationships in a negative way. I always end up practically saying what is in someone’s head. That frightens people rather than wins you admiration and respect. The weirdo is all you will end up being called. People can pick up that there is something about me. They don’t find it fascinating, but scary as I can even pick things up around strangers. I can make a connection with the energies that surround us. There are things in those spaces that cause info to pop into my head. The things I can do don’t benefit me so I dull them. I see it as the only safe option given my history. This world and the people in it are conditioned to be a certain way. You either fit in or get labelled and penalised for walking out of the lines.