Day: May 30, 2020

I’m going back up to visit where I used to live when everything has reopened. I miss the karaoke nights there. It was never the same back in my home town. Lockdown has taught me that I should never hide away from the world. I got out of the care home and have no social services around me. I am now equal. This is what I wanted for many years. I never saw it that way until the lockdown happened. I don’t have to fear anyone else. I have worked hard in life just like everyone else. I shouldn’t feel intimidated by anyone. I also will not be gossiped about in regards to what happened with my son. That is the past. I’m not that person any longer. I was young once… I made mistakes just like every single other person. We are all thrown into this world without a clue about who we are or what this existence is all about. I’m at least honest about my screw ups, unlike many others. That makes me a better person than most. I’m completely real and authentic. I can’t be afraid any longer. People are going to judge and say things behind my back. That happens more if I’m not out there. I’m not hiding any longer because I don’t have a reason to be ashamed of who I am or any of my life experiences. That is my advice to anyone else too. Those of us that survive the pandemic of 2020 have now seen how fragile life can be. Those people that got the virus had plans, hopes and a life. They never got to do any of those things. Those of us that are still alive after this pandemic is finally over will be the lucky ones. We all took life for granted. We complained about the things that annoyed us etc. Those things seem insignificant after covid 19 has swept through our country causing 30 odd thousand deaths and still rising. All the stupid disagreements we had between each other no longer seems such a major issue. We may have a vast amount of sadness at that point in time but those we have lost would want to see the togetherness and community spirit remain after the pandemic has passed. We don’t know what the future is going to bring…. appreciate every single moment, don’t take others for granted and join together to make things better.

I think that I need to go see the doctor (or perhaps dentist) as soon as everything is open as normal. I was cleaning my teeth tonight, then there was bright red blood in the sink. I occasionally get bleeding but not that much. I’m hoping it came from my teeth rather than anywhere else. I did drink the whole pack of 4 wkds tonight. The sugar in things are starting to affect my teeth now I’m getting older. I have had tooth ache on and off for months. I also grind my teeth when I’m asleep so that probably doesn’t help much. I don’t realise I’m doing it… especially when I have a nightmare until I wake up and my jaw aches. I don’t have nightmares much nowadays but I do still have odd dreams (some are quite entertaining actually). I could write a book from the details of my dreams if I remembered the entire narrative in them.