Sometimes we have to do certain things.

I had to miss my medication today because I forgot to order it in time. I’m going to have to cut the dosage to 1 tablet because even if I order it tomorrow. Friday means it won’t get here until at least Tuesday due to the weekend. If it’s balanced then it should be ok. It has just completely slipped my mind. I have to reduce them at some point. Now is as good time as any. I’m not doing it purely to lose all the weight I gained. I’m not sure that is going to help because I think that is increased alcohol consumption alongside more fizzy drinks. I do still drink water but probably should drink that rather than unhealthy stuff. I’m not drinking too much in one go but just probably every night for the last fortnight or more has been too frequently. I probably also should not drink alcohol if I’m still not sure whether I have one I’d those cryptic pregnancies happening. I’m not going into details on here but my monthlies aren’t like they used to be. I still have them but they are spotting before and after a few days of what I would class as normal for me (well, slightly worse but that still varies quite a lot). I may be on the edge or finishing them forever because they can happen at that point too. I’m not even 35 yet. There are certain things that point in the direction of those types of pregnancies as I got talking to those that have experienced this weirdness. They can last up to 22 months depending on how fast it develops. I have to stop drinking fattening stuff so that I can see if the larger middle of me is caused by that or not. If it doesn’t go down in a few weeks I will know that something weird is happening to me. I am overdue to all my tests at the doctors but due to lockdown I was told it was unclear when they will get done. I’ve had a bad feeling that my smear test isn’t going to come back normal. I delayed going to get it done by at least 6 months before lockdown started. I know that what I’m experiencing definitely isn’t normal. I’m just hoping that it’s not going to come back with cancer or something along them lines. Or I get a double shock that I am pregnant and got that going on. That is another thing that I keep trying to put out my head but it’s nagging there. I know what I’m like when I just ‘feel things’. I’m right too many time’s to completely forget what my intuition keeps telling me. I know when it’s just me worrying etc. I don’t want to be pregnant but it won’t stay out of my head. This isn’t medication related. This is a constant whether I’m on it or not. Anti depressants don’t mess with perception of reality unless you drop them completely. I’m not doing that but merely working around forgetting to order my next prescription. I never normally forget. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t need to write their things down. I can remember information like a database.

I also want to point out that I will not be doing readings or using my ‘gifts’ for those of you that have doubted or taken the piss out of me for them in the past. The fact that we are in weird circumstances at the moment doesn’t excuse that in the past certain people never believed me and merely saw me as a freak. I also need to discuss what happened with another certain person so that I can sleep properly. I am aware that it’s easier for them and myself if we leave everything in the past. That can’t happen because I know that we were supposed to meet. We have to be talking a little at least to make what I was need to make happen. I will take the lead and they can work from the background if that is what they prefer. The loose ends with the outstanding court order has to be tied up before things can even move in that direction. Or, in this case, more appropriately we have to untie the contract. I have absolutely no hidden motive. There is a part of me that does still find them attractive in that way but I’m far too scared of them to ever go there. I feel other people’s energies remember. Theirs scares me and quite honestly it always did but I wasn’t bothered back when we first came into contact.