Sleep is impossible tonight.

I don’t think sleep is happening tonight. I just find it impossible to not worry about potential trouble happening. I can never truly settle because other people cannot be trusted to not make a big deal out of mistakes caused by my autism. Those types say that we use our conditions as an excuse. They constantly are the people who cause me to live my life in fear of getting into trouble. I’m not an awful person and didn’t deserve half of the things that happened but life isn’t fair. We currently have a virus sweeping through the world, that is a perfect illustration of life being unfair.

I’m feeling fat due to being extremely bloated at the moment. I felt so ashamed when I stood on the scales to discover that I had gained nearly 4 kg. That’s about 6 pounds give or take… as I’m not great at maths I’d check the conversion. I have always gained weight when I’ve had alcohol. I haven’t even had it that often but it’s loaded with sugars. I cut down on sugar because I seem to gain weight so easily after eating too many things with sugar in them. They add far too much sugar in chocolate bars like the white chocolate Cadbury bar that I purchased this week. You can’t taste actual chocolate anymore. The same goes for most things. It’s mostly sugar with added ingredients. I don’t think it’s me going off of sweet food as I get older. The only way you can get some original taste rather than just the sugar is to make things yourself. Bread is also more of a natural taste if you make it yourself. I’m not that domesticated in the cooking department. I could have a recipe in front of me and still end up improvising to the point where the mess was beyond repair. I even managed to burn egg onto the bottom of a pan twice since lockdown began. The egg tasted fine but the pan was left in such a mess that I had to replace them. I can cook enough to feed myself. I’m not sure if anyone else would like my cooking but I live on my own so not having to worry about others liking my cooking.