I finally feel better than I have in weeks.

I may have felt awful for a bit last night but I woke up feeling better than I have in weeks. I think that despite getting burnt I probably needed a bit of sun. I have walked but never without a jumper or something covering most of me. I actually slept properly for the first time in ages. I’m not awake yet but at least I feel like I had some sleep. The bloated stomach has gone down a lot and feels more comfortable this morning. I didn’t sleep the whole night but I did sleep more hours than normal. Sleep issues have plagued me my entire life. Sleep deprivation is most definitely the worse form of torture. It causes your brain to go insane. I actually have seen things in front of my eyes that I know wasn’t there due to not bring able to sleep properly. That is mostly when I haven’t had enough sleep in months. I found out that it wasn’t wise to drink a wkd, take a Kalms sleep aid and watch a program about ghosts on television. That definitely screws with your head. I literally woke up the next morning hearing demon like sounds. Only for a few seconds after I woke up but it was enough to never want to do that combination again. I’m not mentally ill because I know that logically the things I see or hear when sleep deprived isn’t real.   The problem is when someone thinks that all their delusions are real. I’m quite logical in that way. I understand the whole of my issues therefore they don’t seem to consume me like when I was younger. It takes a very long time to master that skill. I went through a lot of awful things to get to that point. The mental health support isn’t fit for purpose. I had no option but to cope myself in the end. I couldn’t do it without antidepressants because they stop me completely giving up. I wish that I could be medication free one day but that time hasn’t come yet.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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