Day: May 7, 2020

I set out to go for a short daily walk. They turned into walking from Barwell to the middle of Hinckley and back. I didn’t even eat before I went out. I had a sandwich on the way home but I’m surprised how long far I managed to walk without feeling hungry. I’m on my way home while doing this blog entry. I cannot afford to not do what needs doing around the flat when I get back otherwise it will end up in much more of a mess. I needed the toilet on the way around. The supermarkets were all full of queues so I asked the little shop if I could use theirs as they did offer once. They were fine about popping in as I bought a drink and sandwich from them. I will post the walk data when I finally get back home.

I’m basically fed up of how life ‘works’. I don’t know how it’s so easy to attract people I do not want to be with but not those I actually like to be around. I feel like I’m beating off unwanted admirers constantly. The ones I always wanted didn’t want to be with me. Why can’t there be a happy medium where I actually am friends or more with people I actually want to be with? It’s like life is designed to be as frustrating and unfulfilled as possible. I also dislike how men just see me as a physical attraction and always seem to have an overarching desire to sleep with any remotely attractive girl. They just don’t seem to grow up or see any form of boundaries when the woman doesn’t want to go there with them again. I wouldn’t mind so much if I was the only one they were sniffing around but I’m aware that I wasn’t and if the others have dumped a guy then it’s should have been totally expected. Several women do NOT like to be played at once. It’s insulting to us. Plus the risk of giving all the women sexually transmitted infections or get one which will they don’t know where from because of dipping it in more than one woman sometimes on the same day. Yes I know everything. I’m not as thick as certain people think I am. I let my guard down but it’s not going to happen again. We all know why some men are friends with me in the first place just waiting for their time until they can get past the friends zone. It just is never going to happen so please don’t waste your time.

I didn’t even get tired enough to sleep last night. It technically is early morning now and the birds have woken up. They aren’t that loud this morning. Sometimes they are as loud as an alarm clock if the window is open. The window is open this morning because the cats have gone outside. I just hope that they don’t decide to bring a bird back in with them. It doesn’t happen often but last time I was chasing a bird that mister had caught at 5 am. It was flapping around scared of both the cats and me. I finally managed to chase it to the kitchen window so that it was able to get out again. That was a baby bird but still quite large. I think he was new to flying and unfortunately fell in the path of my cat. Mister caught a full sized rat the other month. He’s quite a large (also a bit fat) cat. I remember when he used to have a collar on with a bell when he was younger. He used to never get anything because they heard him coming. He refused to wear a collar as he got older. I managed to slip them off while he was outside. I don’t know how he did it but he would come back in without the collars. Mimi used to go in a huff under the coffee table when I put one on her. I decided to stop buying them eventually because they just hated them. I have them microchipped in case they get lost. They never go far away from home though because they are spoilt here. They spend half their lives snuggled on my bed sleeping.

I also can’t sleep when I’m uncomfortable. I kept getting stomach pains throughout yesterday. It still is a bit sore now but worse when I had my day clothes on because my stomach bloated too much to comfortably fit on my trousers. I’m not pregnant but most likely just getting fatter. I was worried at one time but I kept doing tests which came back negative and kept having my monthlies so I put it out of my mind. If I had been pregnant I would have been 31 weeks by now so I would have been much bigger than my current bloat. I only had a two day monthly and then spotted for the rest of that week last month. I still haven’t ruled out a cryptic pregnancy but it’s just a matter of waiting because sooner or later I will find out one way or the other. It does worry me but I can’t do anything about it at this point. I’m convinced that I just have messed up hormones causing my issues.