Sleep problems… the major reason behind my issues.

I haven’t slept again the whole night. I only slept for 3 hours at the most during the day for the last two days. The reasons are simple but quite hard to fix.

The sleep issues aren’t coronavirus related; I have always had problems getting to sleep. I constantly worry about being picked up by the police for things related to my autism. I can never relax. That is exhausting when I’m constantly on edge. I need to be able to relax but other people can’t be trusted. This is not a feeling but my actual experiences, as readers will know all about.

The only way I can sleep in this state is with sleeping tablets. The GP will no longer prescribe them.

I have barely slept in years. I’m getting so tired that my head actually hurts and I get sore eyes. I can’t function without more sleep and I never catch up due to already having a backlog of sleep deprivation. I need reassurance that no one will legally come after me. There is no way of getting that guarantee. I cannot do this any longer because the sleep deprivation is starting to affect me quite badly. I even get forgetful. I get that exhausted I end up in tears. There’s no point ever saying this to anyone because they can’t help; noone can reassure me when it comes to the potential actions of others. I’m always on edge, unable to ever relax. I burnt out mentally ages ago. Physically it’s getting harder not to burn out. I feel like I’m on my last part of physical endurance because sleep deprivation has drained all my stored energy and caused my health to spiral downhill. I am practically held together by a thread. That’s how it has started to feel over recent years.

There is no way of getting reassurance that others won’t report me for my autism traits.  As a result, relaxing is impossible, therefore no chance of getting proper sleep. I have valid reasons to worry: others cannot be trusted to do anything right, or rather not do things wrong to make another persons life worse.

I simply cannot settle unless there was a way that stops me having to live my life in fear. This is no way to live. I wish that I could make myself sleep but I can’t when I’m having to live my life constantly fearing for my freedom.

One thought on “Sleep problems… the major reason behind my issues.

  1. Same, as you know. Seems trauma is a thing that keeps us awake. There is a good reason for it from an evolutionary point of view as sleeping lightly when stuck out in the wilds was a good means of staying alive; but given that the streets of England are not prowled by sabre-tooth tigers, it seems a rather redundant and counter-productive trait to have especially as it is now almost entirely a false-alarm caused be assorted ne’erdowells.

    My other thing that stops me sleeping once the stress wakes me up is physical pain, though I expect even less success in having that treated than we experience with mental health.


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