I haven’t slept again the whole night. I only slept for 3 hours at the most during the day for the last two days. The reasons are simple but quite hard to fix.
The sleep issues aren’t coronavirus related; I have always had problems getting to sleep. I constantly worry about being picked up by the police for things related to my autism. I can never relax. That is exhausting when I’m constantly on edge. I need to be able to relax but other people can’t be trusted. This is not a feeling but my actual experiences, as readers will know all about.
The only way I can sleep in this state is with sleeping tablets. The GP will no longer prescribe them.
I have barely slept in years. I’m getting so tired that my head actually hurts and I get sore eyes. I can’t function without more sleep and I never catch up due to already having a backlog of sleep deprivation. I need reassurance that no one will legally come after me. There is no way of getting that guarantee. I cannot do this any longer because the sleep deprivation is starting to affect me quite badly. I even get forgetful. I get that exhausted I end up in tears. There’s no point ever saying this to anyone because they can’t help; noone can reassure me when it comes to the potential actions of others. I’m always on edge, unable to ever relax. I burnt out mentally ages ago. Physically it’s getting harder not to burn out. I feel like I’m on my last part of physical endurance because sleep deprivation has drained all my stored energy and caused my health to spiral downhill. I am practically held together by a thread. That’s how it has started to feel over recent years.
There is no way of getting reassurance that others won’t report me for my autism traits. As a result, relaxing is impossible, therefore no chance of getting proper sleep. I have valid reasons to worry: others cannot be trusted to do anything right, or rather not do things wrong to make another persons life worse.
I simply cannot settle unless there was a way that stops me having to live my life in fear. This is no way to live. I wish that I could make myself sleep but I can’t when I’m having to live my life constantly fearing for my freedom.