Am I selfish?

I am sure that many of you remember when I blogged about delving into the whole dating venture. I was determined to find someone long term for the first time in my life. That is no longer a goal for me. I would rather be on my own after those I came across during that venture. The more I got to know others put me off the whole idea of being in a relationship. The task is a lot more complicated than it seems studying the dynamics from an outside perspective. I feel selfish by saying that no one seems to meet the standards I expect. There wasn’t one person that I got to know who didn’t have something that I found irritating about them. Then the others were complete users. I never felt that anyone truly cared. In all honesty, most of the men I got to know have just wanted one thing. None of them saw beyond what was physically in front of them. I wanted an emotional caring connection but most just wanted a good time. I don’t want the excess stress and hassle of another person. It’s just extra worries that I don’t need in my life. I won’t just jump into an arrangement that isn’t comfortable to me or anything that doesn’t involve a deep connection which is more than physical. I have matured passed the point of an attraction merely being completely physical. I want to marry someone who is like a best friend alongside everything else. If that isn’t available then I would rather spend my life single away from the added hassles of being in a relationship. I certainly am not missing out on anything. The experiences that I had while exploring the dating idea definitely isn’t something I wanted to go through. Therefore, I’m not missing out on anything. I feel irritated by others if I’m around them a lot because I got used to being alone. I never seemed to feel a proper connection with anyone so far. I probably haven’t met the person I’m meant to be with at this time. I firmly believe that not everyone has a soul mate. Some are meant to be alone because it’s how it’s supposed to happen in the timeline of someone’s life. I’ve had more than one person I knew as a youngster (teen) say to me that getting with them could have diverted my life from how it materialised. They can’t see that it would have made no difference due to the type of person I was as a teenager. I was always a lone wolf type of person. I preferred to walk alone and think independently as a teenager. There was absolutely no way I’d ever have gave up on my ambitions to be with another person back then. I had a mind that worked at a hundred miles an hour. I never thought about the future. I was convinced that I wouldn’t even have children at any point. I didn’t dream of getting married like most young girls. I’m open minded at this point but it’s not something that I definitely want in my future. I like my life as a single person in comparison to being in a relationship.

2 thoughts on “Am I selfish?

  1. Hi,
    You seem like the kind of person who will be dedicated to your career and will excel in it. Go for it, you can get married later on in life to someone who has children but no wife to help raise those children.


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