I didn’t get upset for the first time on my son’s birthday. I actually started to feel some kind of happiness again. That doesn’t mean that I don’t still miss my son; this merely means that I have found some form of acceptance. That has taken me eight years to be able to move on from the pain I felt over his adoption. I have just plaited my hair so that it’s wavy tomorrow morning when I wake up. I also have to keep it under control in various styles now that it’s getting longer. I’m listening to Now that’s what I call 60’s and 70’s album. I do listen to modern bands too but I’m quite a throw back. I borrowed my parents C.D’s and records growing up. I decided that I liked that era when I was quite young. I know that we weren’t technically advanced with things like the internet. That is something that I would probably miss but I would talk to people more (there was no internet access in prison and I became more verbally communicative in just a month). I like that everything seemed much more simpler back in those eras.
There are some quite politically incorrect television programs that were made back then which did shock me as someone who grew up in the 90’s. I can see now why groups sprung up fighting against certain attitudes. I’m probably bias but, as a woman, I was appalled at some of the males attitudes towards our gender. I do not exist only for marriage and housework. I’m glad that we aren’t expected to get married nowadays. I just don’t see me ever being in a relationship, let alone getting married at any point of my life. I was born a lone wolf and will remain that way. I have learned that I can’t be out there and totally open when you’re different. The best thing to do is keep a distance from others even in normal non social distancing times. I didn’t grow up in the right area to be accepted for who I am. There are some parts of the united kingdom and around the rest of the world where those of us into witchcraft or/and the naturally intuitive (notice I don’t refer to my abilities as psychic) are tolerated. The small town where I grew up was definitely not what of those areas. I can’t hide that side of me. I have been told that it’s easy to sense that side of me in my presence. I can’t change the fact that my intensity is probably off the scale due to being under the Scorpio zodiac sign on top of everything else. That isn’t something that helps. I don’t like conflict (probably due to being on the cusp between libra and scorpio) but I have the fiery anger when I’m emotionally passionate about the topic of conversation. I have got the scorpio sting in my tail if it comes to being bitchy. I cannot help myself if someone has been awful to me. I am better at not retaliating as I get older but I still occasionally can rise to any occasion if someone tries to start on me. Or, even if I perceive that I am being attacked in any way.
The laptop has frozen, crashed and generally played up on me several times while I was writing tonight’s blog entry. I’m fed up of contending with this issues so I’m logging off for the night.