Well, now I know everything that happened behind my back.

I have found out by talking to others today that a lot has gone on behind my back. I am not pleased about what has been said about me between others. I’m sorry that people seem to have an issue with me being too open about personal things but there is no need to call me names. That is technically bullying and isn’t okay. I heard today that the other students on my university course used to call me ‘Ms. Monthly’ because I was open about aspects of personal information in that department. That probably wasn’t the worst thing that they called me behind my back. Apparently, they were also saying to the tutor that ‘Emma said this, Emma said that…’. Erm… Emma hasn’t even spoken to any of them since she was permanently excluded from the university. I can honestly say that Emma most likely didn’t say what former students may have passed on to other people. Bullying is also making fun of someone behind their back. They didn’t have to like me but making comments about me behind my back wasn’t fair. Also, even thinking I was creepy in private was acceptable, but not when they start saying it to make fun of me and get me in trouble further was not right.

I know that I am far from ideal as a person but I don’t deserve nasty crap said behind my back. I had to endure my son’s adoption being finalised only two months before I actually started university. I was hardly not going to be settled mentally and thinking about what was appropriate or not to say. I could barely focus on university work because my head was elsewhere after the trauma of what had just happened in my life. Most of those teenagers (all younger than me) have no idea what it was like to have a baby, let alone have it snatched away and put for adoption. Those that haven’t had children also have no idea how any of that impacts on someone.

I know that I can be a handful when I’m stressed but I deserved kindness not judgment at that time. How would they like to have been put through a trial, convicted and sectioned as a teenager because of aspects of a neurological condition? Then spend half of your twenties in a residential home for people with autism?

I finally lived independently in another area and decided to make the decision to have a baby. Then having all my past being used against me to take away my son and get an adoption plan approved.

Unless someone has been through that they have absolutely no right to judge me or make fun of me behind my back. There is no way that a person can go through those life events without experiencing social anxiety which makes me say the wrong thing. I don’t have a choice about being broken. I am fully aware that no one wants a broken person as a friend; certainly it is impossible to maintain a long term relationship when you’re broken.