Day: March 24, 2020

I disinfected my door handles, light switches and  laptop earlier. I then did vacuuming for a few hours because the hair and dust was so bad. I had to keep emptying the dust collector because it got packed so quickly. It’s now obvious how crap my previous vacuum cleaner had become as it slowly continued to malfunction. I ended up with a bag full of dust and hair. I can see why my allergies were quite troublesome recently. I knew that it got quite bad due to previous vacuum going wrong. The amount I got up was still a shock. I had the most annoying running nose during that task.

The university assignment is finished so I can finally have a rest today. I couldn’t sleep well last night. I just lay awake for hours. I’m probably just tearful today due to tiredness. I also can’t be the only one that is getting upset about what is happening regarding the virus spreading. I live a reasonably isolated life anyway but even I am struggling with what is happening. I feel things. I just know things …. this aspect of myself really is problematic right now. It’s ok when everyone is busy living their lives. When people stop their minds are more transparent to those of us with the gift. It’s like being a sponge for others random thoughts / feelings that they unknowingly transmit at these times. I can feel the sadness, fear and lots of other negative emotions stemming from our current predicament. I try to stay positive by thinking that every day that passes leads to a time where we will finally have some form of normality back and the virus will disappear. I can’t see an end to this situation for at least 6 months. We aren’t designed to stay in a confined space for weeks or maybe months. I can’t even do that and I’m autistic. I’m going to struggle after a few weeks. I am physically disconnected with the outside world but I’m able to pick up others thoughts and feelings like I’m plugged into a network. I don’t even know who I’m picking them up from but it’s definitely multiple people, it could be thousands. This is exactly why I stopped doing readings. I don’t mind using the gift to help others but it’s draining and sometimes never gives me any rest. I can’t switch it off completely because I still have dreams at night. I find it exhausting when it doesn’t seem to switch off. I found that the less I used that side of me, the less it bugged me when I wasn’t doing readings. We all  need to rest. I need to rest at the moment but too many thoughts and feelings are flooding me from others due to this virus outbreak. I can’t exactly tell all the sources to stop projecting things to those of us who are able to pick things up. People don’t even know they’re doing it when stress and emotions are running high.

I literally haven’t been out much during the last few weeks. I cannot believe that I have started to experience symptoms. They aren’t that severe at the moment but I’m hoping that they don’t get worse. I’ve had a sore throat on and off during the last week. I thought nothing of it because I felt like I had just caught a cold. I’ve noticed that I’m rattling when I breathe over the last couple of hours. I have never even had ‘flu but I get colds quite badly. I have migraines normally, which means that it is hard to judge the source of any headaches I’ve had recently. Those stupid people that have been going out into crowded places are very likely going to catch the virus if someone like me, having barely gone out, is starting to develop symptoms. I had the weirdest aches in my arms after I had a bath earlier. I thought nothing of it due to having washed the car today. I now have achy legs too which is worrying when I think of the other things I’m now experiencing. I’m sure that I’ll be fine. Many people have had the virus and got over it without even being admitted into hospital.

It’s important not to think of the worse case scenario otherwise we will never get through this time. I may be one of the unlucky ones but worrying about potentially getting the most severe symptoms isn’t going to change what will be. I’ve survived too much in my life already to let coronavirus take me without a fight. Head injury as a child, epilepsy, then being treated with medication that was too strong for childhood epilepsy, childbirth, the most horrendous monthlies…. coronavirus is just another battle that I have the ability to overcome. It may not be the virus but some of these symptoms I’ve never experienced with any type of cold previously.

I felt fine all day but suddenly late in the evening I started to feel symptoms. I have been to my relative’s house for Mother’s Day today (I know it was yesterday but I took my card and flowers over today). I didn’t go that close to my mum but she still could have caught it from me. I’m not a careless person, I was one of the responsible ones. I’ve kept my distance every time I’ve been outside or anywhere just in case. I haven’t gone into crowded areas. I literally keep extremely clean, both myself and my surroundings. I don’t understand how I may have developed the virus.

I’ve been to the supermarket a few times over the last fortnight. I haven’t gone close enough to anyone. I’m going to have to quarantine just in case at this point. I was looking forward to a walk tomorrow but I definitely can’t even go outside if I actually have developed symptoms. Social distancing (the one walk a day, etc) are just for those that aren’t displaying symptoms. Those of us that do start getting symptoms have to literally self-quarantine for one to two weeks. I probably won’t feel like going for a walk if my symptoms get worse but I also don’t like feeling trapped at home. I can’t risk going out even for a walk because it’s been spreading so easily the last couple of weeks in the UK. We have to prevent our numbers getting to the level of Italy’s. I honestly thought that I was healthy enough not to get struck down by the virus. I wasn’t even careless but still seem to have symptoms.