I’m not looking forward to the next few months.

I am quite afraid of what might happen in the next few months. I know that none of us is comfortable with the next few months. However, I fear the most about not even going to be able to go for a walk. Other countries aren’t letting people go anywhere at the moment. I spend a lot of time inside in a form of self isolation due to my autism. The thought of not being able to go out for a walk just to get out for a while makes me feel uneasy. I feel things naturally in normal times. The intenseness out there in the outside world is not what I’m used to picking up. I’m afraid of how things are going to progress. This isn’t anxiety. These are my ‘gifts’ coming into play because of the unprecedented events that are currently occurring. I’ve not had many nightmares but the worse part is being awake during the day right now.

People think that my ‘gifts’ are something that make me weird or insane at the best of times. I can contain it in normal circumstances without that side of me getting intrusive. I can’t shake the feeling off that things are going to get to that stage where we literally become prisoners in our own homes whether we have the virus or not. I won’t be able to cope with being stuck in one place constantly. I have to be able to get out even if its just for a walk.

I feel old. I’m totally fed up and tired.

I don’t want to even get up today. I feel like I’ve aged in just a few years. I am also just plainly fed up with the things that are going on regarding the virus plans. The word coronavirus is even starting to irritate me every time the news comes on the television. I know that we have to know what’s going on but there is such a thing as too much coverage. People aren’t going to want to self isolate  or social distance if they feel like they’re constantly being chipped at by the news coverage. We are going to be in this position for as long as it takes the whole of the U.K. to do what needs doing so that life can go back to some form of normality. If we don’t do what is required now then 12 weeks is going to turn into a year. A year is going to be absolute hell in these circumstances.   Idiots that are not being careful need to realise that they are making the current circumstances last longer. It is difficult but it doesn’t have to be if everyone was on the same page. We all want this crisis to go away as soon as possible but it requires everyone to be responsible. That includes not hoarding supplies from supermarkets. There’s no need to do that because the warehouses have plenty of stock. That stock isn’t going to be sent to us in normal quantities until people quit hoarding it. The more selfish actions taken will have a direct effect on how long the whole situation lasts.

I’m not in the best health anyway at the moment. I don’t have the patience to put up with complete idiots making things worse. I will just tell them straight that they are acting like idiots. I thought my knee was better until I tried to get up off the floor after bending my knees getting the washing out the machine. It was difficult to get up because my knee was stiff. The tiredness is wiping me out to the point that it gets painful to stay awake. I feel old despite only being in my early 30s.

Late night but motivate again.

I made myself do some of my tutor marked assignment. I have a few more days until it needs to be in. I’m starting to dislike the subject less in the last 24 hours.  I’m finally comfortable because my medication decided to finally work. I still feel a bit off but I did lose a stupid amount of blood while waiting for them to work. I’m hoping after a long sleep my energy levels will be back to normal again. The cats are already asleep on the bed. I wish that I was able to fall asleep that easily. They’ve been asleep on my bed for hours before I even got into it myself. I started reading 1984 by George Orwell yesterday and already reached chapter 5. I downloaded the book to read via the book app on my iPhone. I’ve always been curious to read it after all the comments I heard circulating around about the book. I can see what those comments were relating towards while reading the book.