I don’t do this on purpose. I get annoyed at myself too.

I barely sleep each night. I only had two hours sleep on average per night last week. I tracked it on my phone. I haven’t slept for more than 4 hours during any night recorded. I’m exhausted. There is no way I can function normally during the day. I don’t make a choice to not be able to sleep. I hate that I don’t get much done. I get distressed during the night because I just can’t sleep even if I’m tired. It is like being tortured by an invisible force keeping me awake. I wish that it was easy to get out of the insomnia pattern but it isn’t. The doctors don’t like to give out sleeping tablets now because of new research about long term use. That is the problem with not having an official mental illness diagnosis alongside autism. If I was under a psychiatrist with an official label then I would be able to get specific medication related to the issues I experience. That isn’t the case with just access to the GP services. I can’t stay like this long term because things just don’t get done. The worse part is that sleep deprivation is starting to have a negative impact on my ability to function in every day life. I don’t know what to do. I don’t trust the NHS to give me an assessment. Also, the waiting list can be horrendously long because those that get sectioned are always put at the top of the list due to greatest need. I don’t want to go private because I’m not worth that much money as a person.

4 thoughts on “I don’t do this on purpose. I get annoyed at myself too.

  1. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. However, you are totally wrong on one point. You ARE worth the money, as a person. You are priceless. I don’t know where you are (geographically), but there are probably free mental health clinics where you could get a diagnosis to accompany your ASD diagnosis. I don’t discuss my daughter’s treatments or struggles publically, because it is her story to tell, not my own. However, feel free to email me. I may be able to help you find resources. We have found some great resources for her.

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