I’ve changed, this isn’t benefiting me though.

I can see that I have changed but it doesn’t seem to benefit me much. I can’t sleep at night. That is nothing new though. I used to want to go out but I now chose to be basically reclusive. I’m just too tired to be bothered most of the time. I can’t find peace in my head enough to not feel worn out. I don’t feel hurt any longer by things that have happened in my life. I’m not sure if feeling numb is much better though. I have spent a lot of time this week zoning myself out because I just don’t feel like moving. I’m still getting my knee better so moving too much is probably not a good idea for at least a month. I feel a lot better after having reflexology a few days ago. The fluid has left most of my knee. The evening if the day I went to that appointment my knee was normal size. It still fills up at night when I’m in bed due to not moving much during sleep (that’s if I get sleep). It’s fine when it’s loosened off after I walk even just around my flat. It’s such a relief not to     have a stiff feeling around my leg.

I can still feel the injury at the back of my knee. I’m not getting back on the vibrating plate machine until my knee is healed properly. I managed to avoid having to go to the doctor which I’m glad about. I just don’t find doctors helpful when it comes to illness anymore. They just seem to give out medications. I don’t want to be given more on top of antidepressants. The ones I’m on apparently interact with many other medications. I don’t even have painkillers in my home any longer. Unless I get one of those horrendous migraines that lingers there for days I won’t take them now. I feel better without medication because the side effects can be just as debilitating. I don’t know if my medication is causing me to feel tired. It could even be causing my insomnia. I’ve been on better antidepressants but I asked doctor to try others because I thought that I would get a better alternative. There is one that I could take at night to finally get some sleep. I was on it for a bit but stupidly wanted to transition onto another one. The doctors don’t allow a prescription for sleeping tablets long term now so that could be a better option to transition back onto if my GP will do it. I can’t do the laying awake thing much longer because I don’t get enough done during the day.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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