I’ve changed, this isn’t benefiting me though.

I can see that I have changed but it doesn’t seem to benefit me much. I can’t sleep at night. That is nothing new though. I used to want to go out but I now chose to be basically reclusive. I’m just too tired to be bothered most of the time. I can’t find peace in my head enough to not feel worn out. I don’t feel hurt any longer by things that have happened in my life. I’m not sure if feeling numb is much better though. I have spent a lot of time this week zoning myself out because I just don’t feel like moving. I’m still getting my knee better so moving too much is probably not a good idea for at least a month. I feel a lot better after having reflexology a few days ago. The fluid has left most of my knee. The evening if the day I went to that appointment my knee was normal size. It still fills up at night when I’m in bed due to not moving much during sleep (that’s if I get sleep). It’s fine when it’s loosened off after I walk even just around my flat. It’s such a relief not to     have a stiff feeling around my leg.

I can still feel the injury at the back of my knee. I’m not getting back on the vibrating plate machine until my knee is healed properly. I managed to avoid having to go to the doctor which I’m glad about. I just don’t find doctors helpful when it comes to illness anymore. They just seem to give out medications. I don’t want to be given more on top of antidepressants. The ones I’m on apparently interact with many other medications. I don’t even have painkillers in my home any longer. Unless I get one of those horrendous migraines that lingers there for days I won’t take them now. I feel better without medication because the side effects can be just as debilitating. I don’t know if my medication is causing me to feel tired. It could even be causing my insomnia. I’ve been on better antidepressants but I asked doctor to try others because I thought that I would get a better alternative. There is one that I could take at night to finally get some sleep. I was on it for a bit but stupidly wanted to transition onto another one. The doctors don’t allow a prescription for sleeping tablets long term now so that could be a better option to transition back onto if my GP will do it. I can’t do the laying awake thing much longer because I don’t get enough done during the day.