The term ‘time heals’ is just a myth.

I’m sorry but time doesn’t heal things. I can confirm that it is a myth. The only time that time can possibly heal is in circumstances where you completely lose your memory. I’m sorry but I don’t sugarcoat anything. If you read the blog regularly then this will have become apparent. I barely slept last night so I’m in more of a brutally honest mood than normal. I may need a nap just to get the energy for a tiny trip to get milk. I know that sounds terrible.  I am quite ashamed of myself for requiring a nap before I can do small things. I’m falling asleep typing this blog entry.

Time doesn’t actually heal past trauma because it runs too deeply. The events that happened are literally planted deeply within your head. That will always affect a person whether they’re consciously aware of it or not. I honestly still feel battered by my life experiences on a daily basis. I had to learn to be accepting of the darkness that has been left within me. I started using it in every day life. I no longer cry much. I spend most of my time feeling numb. That could be antidepressants effects because they take away your ability to feel any emotion eventually. I don’t think that we ever get over anything. The pain of certain emotional events causes us so much pain that our minds just switch off eventually as a protective measure. I’m sure that people assume I’ve got over things nowadays but that isn’t anywhere near the truth. I do my best on a daily basis because I have no other choice. I learned to put on a face when I’m out in the world. I’m living because I’m too chicken to take my own life. I’m emotionally worn out due to being repeatedly traumatised since a young age. That has taken its toll on me. That kind of thing builds up over time after being repeatedly exposed to the horrific side of our system. I am at the point where most of the time I just want to disengage with the outside world. I used to be out on a daily basis even if it was just for a walk. I don’t see the damage  decreasing in time, instead time progresses that damage.