I am feeling frustrated tonight. I should be asleep which isn’t helping right now. Trying to function with a swollen and painful knee has been very tiring. I don’t go to the GP unless it gets massive. I still feel that even slightly swollen it’s like having excess weight which requires me to carry it around. I regret changing doctors now because the other one drained it with a needle and it felt better than it had done in years. Unless the doctor is newly trained they will just give me anti inflammatory medication. That takes weeks to work in comparison to the needle draining procedure. I felt better for at least a year last time it was needle drained. The build up doesn’t all go away with medication. Fluid gets stuck in my kneecap.
I also get afraid of being judged when I’m speaking out about issues which aren’t seen as mainstream. I try to be brave but my insecurities are always bubbling underneath. I don’t like conflict but that’s the kind of environment that I have to enter in order to fight for particular changes. I still struggle with my confidence after everything that happened in my life. I feel like I’m a naturally shy person around other people but I can’t be that way if I’m going to challenge people about the various issues I’ve talked about elsewhere on my blog.
I got a reply from the foundation that has seen recent success in introducing the Stalking Act which has just been made law. I was told that my points had been noted and their representative sympathised with me after getting caught up in 1997’s Harassment Act amendments due to my autism. I explained how these amendments had been enacted to prevent the exact situations that the Stalking Act is supposedly going to prevent. The exact same reason was stated to bring the previous law amendment into force.
There have been many cases where people (mostly women) were stalked and killed by a stalker since the Harassment Act amendments of 1997. They’ve now created a separate law to prevent the exact same situation that the previous law was supposed to prevent.
I explained in my email to the foundation that I can already see many potential pitfalls where those with learning disabilities, autism and other similar conditions could get wrongly caught up in the legalities of the new law. Many of us got caught up in the previous amendments and have seen our lives permanently ruined as a consequence.
We live in an age where records from our past can be used against us in circumstances such as child protection. Jobs are hard enough to get without a criminal record. Jobs that require an Enhanced DBS check are never going to be open to people like me because employers want a clean record.
I would find it much easier to accept that I messed my life up if I wasn’t labelled a criminal for no better reason than my autism either being misinterpreted or being taken advantage of because of it.
I will never be truly accepting of being labelled for a condition I was born with that I can’t simply choose to not have. I was failed by health and social services because they refused to diagnose me as a child. I wasn’t diagnosed until I had already ended up getting into trouble and being kicked out of school repeatedly, something that had been going on for years by that point.
Everyone knows that if you’re not diagnosed as a child and moulded into a certain way through appropriate therapy then one’s condition is most likely going to cause problems. I should make it clear that I’m not supporting therapy such as the notorious ABA system here but I am saying that any appropriate therapy as a child promotes better outcomes as an adult.