I like staying in some days :)

I did some housework before it built up too much. I haven’t been out today. I needed a break from the outside world. I’m just tired due to hormones making me feel drained. I have come on a kind of monthly, albeit lighter than it used to be again, so it should not be affecting me in a few days. I had an appointment for an eyebrow wax today but rescheduled it for next week. I barely slept last night again. I got up and thought I’m not in the mood to go out today. It isn’t even in the same town and driving seems too much effort today. I never think that when I have managed to sleep at night. I have never struggled to actually stay asleep before recently. I have always been someone who seems to wake up at night but never someone that wakes up several times a night. Sometimes it can be a nightmare but many times I just randomly wake up. I am a little unsettled with a lot on my mind. I think way too much at unsociable hours. It helps now that the cats are starting to sleep at night because they’re not disturbing me much after a certain time.
I was watching the television earlier. They mentioned smear tests. I’m scheduled one but I haven’t been yet. I know that it’s important but I get phone anxiety and it’s a personal thing. This makes it extremely difficult for me to make that phone call to make an appointment. I’m holding off at the moment because I want to be absolutely sure that I’m not pregnant. I’m not experiencing pain or anything suggesting that I should get it sorted earlier. It’s dangerous to have a smear if you’re pregnant because it can cause a miscarriage. I just want to wait for a few more months until I’m sure. I will be able to tell very obviously soon. I’m just being cautious. I haven’t had any positive tests but things are a bit different from before that night. I’m getting a bump which isn’t that pronounced yet but my new trousers are getting tight and I’ve gained two kilograms. I look like I’ve had boob implants they are that rounded and full. I’m trying to go by my instincts and they keep nagging me alongside the feeling that I must be going crazy due to home pregnancy tests saying negative. Some pregnancies don’t become obvious until after 20 weeks. I have felt a bit of movement occasionally but it’s not enough to discount that it might be just gas bubbles from wind. That is another thing about trying to sleep at night. I feel the movements during those hours. I just can’t get comfortable.  It’s literally every time I try to sleep that movements happen. That is why I feel like I’m going insane because I feel things but the tests makes me think I’m imagining those feelings. I had lots of pregnancy symptoms that I know were real but I started to question myself.