I don’t like to go out at the moment.

I haven’t been out of my flat in two days. That is rare for me. I normally at least go for a walk. I heard the busy road which runs down the side of the block of flats when I opened the window. That made me feel anxious just hearing how busy it was outside. I’ve been doing the housework that I have put off for weeks. I’m not normally anxious due to places being busy. I have never been that way. That is the difference between me and many others with autism. I was never bothered by crowds. I do need some milk but if I go out at a certain time there will be nothing or nobody around on the way to the shop.

I have straightened my hair, which means at least I look reasonably tidy now. That was a huge effort today. I even had to force myself to wash my hair yesterday. I like it longer (very long eventually) but it can be one hell of hassle sometimes. The thickness means that it tries to knot itself while I’m doing anything to style it. I have one brittle side which breaks so that is always shorter on one side when I go to have it trimmed. I caught my good luck bracelet in one of the side pieces. Ironically, the bracelet did the opposite of good luck as it snapped the end part off. I honestly do not know if I should believe these lucky charm things. The last one I had actually broke apart after getting caught on something. I try to think lucky but my past always puts a negative slant on the present. I constantly fear that things will end up like they were previously. I try to not get into trouble but I’m always going to have autism.

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