I just need a complete break.

I struggle a lot sometimes. I don’t know how I’m going to get a break but I know that I need to get away. I just feel completely fed up with this area. I may have grown up here but I have not enough good memories to feel truly happy. I can deal with various crap that gets sent my way due to who I am as a person. I can defend myself in the most random of ways. I was asked whether I feared being the subject of laughter. That isn’t something that bothers me. I don’t mind being honest and open to a point. I’m less of an open book now due to my experiences but I don’t care about people laughing at me. I’m aware that I will be seen as odd and can be picked on for that. I was bullied at school which conditioned me to just roll with what gets thrown my way. That is why it is rare that I will feel like I need a break. I just feel restless and can never settle. I barely sleep more than a few hours at one time. I either have a nightmare wake me up or just do it automatically. I’m taking my antidepressants properly now so that isn’t causing me to be unsettled. I always feel like I just want to get away from everything. I’m not in the position to do that but it doesn’t stop me constantly thinking that I want to just go off and never return. I don’t want to talk to anyone because that doesn’t help. I need to be somewhere else for a while to stop feeling restless, far away from my life.

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