I didn’t ‘fix my sleep’.

I’m technically nocturnal at the moment. I actually didn’t get up until 4pm today. I feel like a failure but I don’t feel as tired. I managed to get things done despite not getting up until stupidly late. I don’t like being this way but it’s hard to get out of this pattern straight away.

I was coming home from somewhere at about 11.30pm and actually saw a grey little owl on the sign near my flat. I can’t believe how brave animals are getting living right next to humans. However, the owls were there first because that is on the edge of a town which used to be countryside. We still have bits of it left between roads and houses in between both local towns. I have seen an owl fly over my car before and heard them outside but I’ve never driven past one that closely. I thought it would have flown off due to car engine noise. I suppose that it could have been a deaf owl. It probably means that there are mice around which is when mister starts bringing them in to chase around. If the cat doesn’t catch them then they probably get eaten by the owls. I do try to get to them before mister or mimi injures them but sometimes they’ve already done too much damage.

I feel settled tonight but I’m not sure if I will actually sleep yet. It’s only 1am so I have time to read a book for a while. I tried that the other night but due to missing my medication I was unable to concentrate and got bored before I ended up sleepy. I need that in me to function even remotely normally. I don’t want to be on antidepressants for the rest of my life but I will have to gradually do that process. I may never be ready because I dip down so quickly when I’ve tried to do that process previously.

I’m sat next to a cat licking (and picking with her teeth) dirt off of her feet. She’s been out all evening until I got back. I let her in and the other one decides he wants to go out. He will only go out at night but she will go out day and night. I call him my vampire cat because it is like he doesn’t like daylight. He suits that nickname too because his fur is tuxedo black and white style.