Day 2 of the new year, not a completely positive day….

Although I had promised myself that I would get up at a decent hour today… this wasn’t what eventually materialised. I was awake at 12 but fell asleep until half 3. That wasn’t my intention but my sleep pattern is a mess. I also should take my antidepressants in the mornings. I hadn’t been able to take them for two days due to getting up at a late hour. I took them today because I had nightmares for the last few days so my brain might be missing them. I also couldn’t focus on anything so I had to take one despite it being the wrong time. I can balance myself tomorrow and hopefully I will feel like getting up at a decent time because they’ll have lifted me up a bit. I didn’t go out today but I will have to tomorrow due to running out of food soon. I have bits but not stuff for proper meals. I could live off cereal alone but that isn’t a balanced diet.

I don’t particularly feel up to eating but I eat when I’m hungry. I don’t eat just because I’m depressed. I have done in the past but I gain weight too easily now. I can’t lose weight easily either any longer. I won’t ever fit into some of my clothes ever again because since I got to my 30s I got wider, especially recently. I’m probably going to be a few sizes bigger by the time I hit 40. I don’t want to be but I’m just not very committed to activities like the Gym. I don’t mind walking but that doesn’t give you the same results. I never have the excess energy to go places like the Gym. I remember when I had lots of excess energy. I didn’t have to sleep for days. I could do long walks every day alongside college etc. I still take vitamins but my energy is just zapped. I gain energy if I’ve been around people physically not online but after my experiences I try to avoid them a lot.