I totally give up!

I have reached that stage where I do not care enough to have any hope for the future. I’m extremely exhausted constantly and everything seems to randomly go wrong just when things were getting better. I feel like I’m fighting a brick wall most of the time. I barely have any motivation to get out of bed at the moment. I’m hoping that my car at least starts tomorrow to get me to a supermarket because I’m running out of food. I’m going to have to be brave enough to put petrol in it soon but don’t want to risk it cutting out again. I’m hoping that it will be okay. I’m just reluctant to use Asda supermarket facilities because there  a thing where cars just break down in their car park. It has happened to many others including myself. If you know there is a fault on your car then it’s probably tempting fate to fill up at their petrol station. If there is a sensor going down in my car then this will be the third car that has developed that particular issue on me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I have a habit of breaking things just by touching them. I used to get told that I had nylon knickers by my dad when I was growing up. I must create natural sparks or something to break things just by touching them. That is what I mean by being naturally prone to bad luck in life. It is like my presence is enough to curse any situation or anything. I tried to think positive to avoid being that type of influence but it doesn’t work. I end up getting depressed because negative things keep occurring around me. I’ve even avoided others to not give them bad luck. I have felt cursed my entire life. I can’t break the curse regardless what I try to do. I get good luck charms and they will literally break into pieces. I refuse negative thoughts but even that doesn’t stop bad luck occurring.

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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