Sometimes I get irritated by people thinking that they can just turn up at mine uninvited. I don’t want to seem ungrateful but that is my space. I didn’t want a reminder of the other month. I wouldn’t have ever let the other person know my address if I’d known what was going to happen. The practice of turning up at someone’s place because you ‘miss them’ is not normal. I wouldn’t even do that and I have made some seriously naïve errors. I may not be seeing someone officially but I don’t have any feelings for the person. I am not emotionally invested in the way that the other person seems to be. I don’t even want to be in a relationship. I won’t feel ready for a while. I’m still getting over what has happened during my life.
I don’t want friends to get involved in getting rid of unwanted attention. I’m quite capable of telling them to back off. I may be autistic but I do not need protecting from the advances of men. I’ve had to avoid men who just want sex for many years. It is the curse of being reasonably attractive. Those that know me well enough are aware of how I’m affected by my past and am in no position to be in a relationship. I can’t be in a relationship with the person that I previously wanted. They are a woman, not a man. I hate that but I have to respect their choices and realise that I will never be a choice that they make in regards to any kind of relationship. That hurts me but there is no way to get someone to love you if they just don’t fancy you or even like you as a person. I can’t say that I truly like anyone else. I have to be with someone that I actually like in that way. I can’t fake it because I’m as real as a person can be.
Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert Blog 