Day: December 1, 2019

I want to be busy in life but it makes me unsettled. That is worse when I’m trying new things. I decided to apply to volunteer inside but also outside my comfort zone. I’m sure that I’ll be okay when I have been a few times. I won’t be meeting the organisation until Tuesday. I will be unsettled for a while because it will take me years to recover from things that have happened. I openly admit that I do not trust people but I know that I have to be around them to regain confidence. I would love to sleep most of the time and barely leave my home. I can’t do that any longer though. I have got told that I have got accepted for the positions via email before they’ve even met me. The other place wants to see my C.V and phone me next week. I’m not comfortable until I’m sure of the things I have to do. I just hope that the weather doesn’t get too severe because one of my tasks will be driving. I worry about driving in snow especially when I have others in the car. I have to use my own car too which makes me even more concerned about crashing in that kind of weather. I also have to visit people’s home which is out of my comfort zone.

I’m having my hair done in the middle of the week. I am hoping that it doesn’t dry out any worse. I have deeply conditioned my hair but it’s been awful since I was ill last week. I’m having highlights put in my hair so I’m hoping that it isn’t brittle by then. It should be less dry when my hormones settle down. I had beautiful hair on those vitamins but I couldn’t keep taking them due to what happened. I looked better but I can’t take them because they didn’t suit me in other ways. I am also still getting pregnancy symptoms but there is no way that I can possibly be. I got all negative tests for weeks and after bleeding that much the other day if I had been then I would have definitely not been after that happened. I am gaining weight, feeling sick loads and have sore boobs. This isn’t in my head but it cannot be down to being pregnant. I’ve gained another kilogram without even eating any more than usual. I even started walking a bit again so I shouldn’t be putting on weight. I’m sure that in a few months it will become obvious if by some miracle I am pregnant. I had a feeling at one point but I don’t have that feeling any longer. I don’t think that I would have reacted to those pregnancy vitamins if I had been at that point. I could have been at one point but it’s common to have miscarriages without even being aware over the first 12 weeks. I don’t think that it would have been the right time or circumstances anyway.