I don’t know why I bother.

People just do not listen to what I try to explain to them. I have tried to convince others that I’m not what they assume but their refusal to understand autism, especially the PDA type is a huge barrier. I thought that by publishing my full story on the about em page would start to replace that ignorance in others with understand. I’m aware that we all have different priorities but people being open minded would at least be helpful. That never seems to happen. I just want to clear my name because being labelled a criminal due to how others have perceived my autism has caused me to end up broken as a person. I was told that I seemed a happy and bubbly person today. I wish that this was the real me inside. I wish that I could be truly happy and that the personality people see when I’m out wasn’t just a front. I feel like a fraud when someone sees me like that because I’m not truly a happy person. It’s also misleading because others assume that I’m fine with anything when I’m definitely not. Also, that  I’m not taking things seriously when I am. I’ve learned to be like that because I discovered that no one truly gives a damn about each other in life. I can be truly heartbroken and cut up inside but still act happy. That means people think that I fake depression and that my autism doesn’t mean I have support needs. That isn’t the case. I’m purely protecting myself from a world that will savage me if I show any weakness; like it did when I let my guard down in the past. It doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle. Society sees behavioural problems but those symptoms are just due to me struggling with life. I don’t behave badly, I react to how others treat me or things that happen around me that I find difficult to handle.