Blog changes / Depression

I have decided, after a discussion with my blog’s editor pet sloth, to revert back to the original name of this blog. Instead of ‘Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe’ it will now be ‘Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert’. We need to leave the link as it is right now because I could lose most of my visitors by changing the URL. I have the link https://emma-lucy-thomson.net which redirects to the current URL. However, I’ve just done a vast amount of blog promotion with the direct WordPress link. We can’t just switch over to a new link straight away because visitors who don’t follow the blog won’t get updated. I urge anyone who wants to stay a regular blog reader to follow our pages on social network or press follow via WordPress button.

I’m still depressed. I wasn’t even wanting to get up today. I can’t sleep at night but I can’t wake up during the day. I managed to get a reasonable mark on my first ICMA, OU module, despite not having seen half the module before attempting my answers. I got 60%. The score that would have been better is above 70% but I completely messed up the assessment. It is only 5% towards the final module mark. This means that I can make up my marks with TMAs and my other ICMAs. I’m trying to get my next TMA done but on the planning stage so far. I haven’t written an actual draft of my answers yet but have written notes on the information that is required to answer the questions. I find it hard to work on my OU module on a daily basis when I’m in one of those depressed states. I have to get my TMA done by 11th December. I don’t want to have to ask for an extension based on health reasons unless I absolutely have no choice. At the moment I’m not drifting too much off schedule. I’m going to wait until early December to see if I’m close enough to finishing.

I finally admitted defeat when it has came to my weight. I’ve started buying larger clothing and accepting that I’m getting curves as I get older. I can no longer fit into some of my clothes and I don’t think that I will ever be physically able to get into them again. I’m far too dense in places that I never used to be. I’m not fat yet but I’m not skinny either. I’m in the middle. I need larger clothes so that I don’t feel down about my increasing figure. I can’t diet without getting moody. I’m just not naturally skinny and trying to stay that way is a constant battle.

I heard about the newest law change. Apparently, although I haven’t researched this yet, they are now going to start prosecuting people who attempt suicide. Seriously? People don’t attempt suicide for no reason. That decision is normally made when they see absolutely no hope out of their situation. Yes, this is an old law that has never been revised but no one has been prosecuted for attempting suicide for centuries. I may have sounded a bit defensive when I was on about proving I was innocent of the charges which resulted in an indefinite restraining order and being sent to prison. I feel like I have to be when I hear these types of announcements. I don’t want to have to play dirty by digging up evidence to discredit the other side of that case. I feel that I have no choice because society doesn’t want to work together. We have to enter conflict with others when it comes to getting any kind of changes to happen, especially those of us who are different. I want peace between me and that other person but I know that getting there will be hard without being armed with information as back up. The other side is not willingly going to hold their hands up and tell a court or any review board that they were wrong or that they misjudged the whole situation for whatever reason.

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