A few observations and my long term future.

I am already in bed before 11pm. I have an early start and attempted to reset sleeping pattern, which means I am ready to sleep soon. I’m just having a cup of tea and taking a paracetamol for my migraine caused by trying to stay awake until a reasonable hour. It is hard training myself to sleep properly when I totally get out of a day time waking pattern. I got up at 4pm the other day which was the point I knew that I had to do something about these habits. Night became my day but I didn’t get anything done properly due to the mainstream world working during day time hours. I can’t stop myself going into night time waking mode quite a lot. I’m just naturally nocturnal as a person. I’m quite a deep person into slightly darker things (nothing that awful) so night is naturally an active time for me. I can’t let that be the time I am awake though. I don’t sleep at all during night, even the early hours of the morning, if I let my brain stay active. I envy those people who can just fall asleep straight away without worries pinging into their head.

I have been getting very restless recently. That may be due to certain things I’ve mentioned on here over the last couple of weeks. I know that it isn’t just one thing. I have increasingly felt like I need to move away again. This area holds no positive memories for me, everything positive that has ever occurred here has subsequently been drowned out by traumatic events. I thought a while back that I’d give this area a chance but I don’t think that I can on a long term basis any longer. I never came back here by choice. I was forced to return under duress and that turned out to be a waste of time in the end. I don’t have strong foundations here. This has been the case since I was a child here. I never fitted here. That is going to remain the same for the whole of my life. I’m not in the position to move yet but I definitely can’t stay in this area. I was looking at Nottingham. That county seems a lot better. I know that there are rough parts of the place but the positive outweighs that negative.

Nottingham has a wide variety of services. They have triple the amount that we have in Leicestershire and Leicester city. I need those kinds of support services that Nottingham seems to offer. I want a less stressful life but I don’t trust the system in the county I grew up in. It will be a fresh start to increase the quality of my life. I’m finding it so tedious staying in this area. Leicestershire doesn’t seem to have progressed much when you compare it to somewhere like Nottingham. If I stay here then I will be stuck with this life. I won’t be able to progress or even socialise properly due to my past. I don’t feel comfortable socialising here. And, I just don’t feel like I belong here. I can’t afford to live down south again and I just want to go somewhere new where I can leave all traces of my old life behind.