Nightmares :( … looks like I’m already subconsciously feeling anxious and scared about tomorrow.

I have to go to court for the court application to get the unpaid work requirement deleted. I had a nightmare last night because I have automatically gone in to that anxious, frightened mode. In my dream there was a ginger tabby cat laying on a bed that turned into a leech-like snail creature. After I picked up the snail creature it started to multiply creating more and more until it covered a proportion of the floor. Mister was then under the bed next to the collection of snails playing with a ball. That is the main part that I remember but the rest of this dream consisted of levels between different rooms. I honestly can’t explain the way it was exactly but that is how I’d describe the images in my dream. I didn’t write it down after waking up so I forgot the majority of its details. I remember waking up feeling shaken up though, so it must have not been pleasant.

The court is aware of the distress that it is going to cause me by insisting that I attend this hearing. I’m terrified and I probably won’t sleep tonight without the medication that my GP gave me when I last went to discuss it. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get any sleep the night before so I asked them for a temporary one-off prescription of sleeping tablets. I’ve had to go up on my antidepressants after previous experiences with that court. I’m paranoid that they’re going to decide it’s a breach and send me to prison despite the application not being submitted as a breach. The magistrates have wide-ranging discretion and they can overrule what they’re being asked to decide and sentence for things that haven’t been done. They don’t have to believe anything that was submitted to the court from the probation service’s application.

I know the type of people that are local magistrates in this area and their abusive powerful links. That type will try to destroy anyone who challenges the wrongs of the system that they enforce in their various professional roles. They aren’t required to be trained in law and most of them that get accepted into the role will never understand the lives of those involved in the cases they hear. I remember the last time I was there, when the psychiatric nurse, and the court-appointed probation officer as well as the staff member who took me up and down the stairs to the custody suite were advising the magistrates that a custodial sentence wasn’t appropriate; but they still sent me down. I therefore cannot assume that, even though probation are supporting what has been listed on the application, no support that I have from my side will make any difference if the magistrates are of the ignorant persuasion.  Which most of them have been in my experience.