I’m getting better :) Blissful existence is finally possible. 32 year journey to spiritual balance in this crazy world.

I only had 3 hours sleep this morning. I went for a long walk and managed to get quite a few things done. I managed to go for a walk before the rain got too heavy. However, driving home tonight was like being in a boat. There is so much water on the roads. I’m glad to be home. I haven’t seen my cat yet. I thought she would be waiting to jump in the window due to the weather. I did tell her not to go out before I left the house earlier but, like a typical cat, she decided that she wasn’t listening and proceeded to make her way across the garden. She will still come in looking at me as if it was my fault that she ended up getting wet.

I’m currently listening to sleep waves to chill out and hopefully actually sleep soon. I can’t remember what the name for these sound types but it isn’t meditation. They aren’t voice based. It is all based on sound waves at different frequencies. I tried them once before but I couldn’t concentrate on them due to my head being all over the place after my son’s adoption. I finally feel at peace which means concentration is much easier than it used to be previously.

I’m still on my anti depressants but there is no harm trying more natural approaches. I’ve changed my diet. I still do drink pepsi max once a day but now also drink natural fruit juice (the ones without the added sugar), or fruit flavoured water. I walk at least 5 miles twice a week. I would love to walk that far more than twice a week but I get too tired to do long walks more often. I’m not getting lazy. I am just more economic with my energy nowadays. I have finally figured out how to disconnect myself from everything for a while. That is pure heaven when you’re an intuitive type. I pick up random stuff when I’m trying to sleep at night. I find that the worse time to be naturally intuitive. Nothing ever rests in this world. It bombards you with random bits of energy 24/7. I never used to be able to rest because I didn’t know how to switch that side of me off. I wasn’t even mentally ill. The whole process mimicked mental illness because it wears out your mind. I felt like a magnet for any type of intuitive energy released from others. It was like living in hell because there are much more negative things floating about in this world than there is positive. I don’t want negative energy attached to me because it attracts bad luck into my life. I’ve managed to block the negative types of energies trying to attach to me.

I can honestly say that this is the first time I’ve been happy in my life for many years. I don’t know if it is due to letting go of my past hurts. I still have some way to go but even just accepting myself is a huge achievement. I’m content with the little that I have in life. I used to always be wanting more but I really don’t need more than I currently have in life. I am finally grateful which has never happened before. I was a spoilt brat at times in my life. I couldn’t see it at that time. I had to completely break to get to this level of progress.