I can’t sleep tonight…

I have tried hard to sleep but I can’t switch off. I can’t say what is on my mind. I simply cannot go into this particular thing right now. I don’t want to jinx anything. I’m restless for a reason but I don’t think that being public about details is a good idea yet. I’m genuinely impatient about certain things and it’s keeping me awake. I know that I want certain things which others will not support. I know that my timing may not end up slotting into open university degree study easily but everything happens for a reason. We spend our lives planning things for the right time.

There isn’t really a right time for anything. Things clash easily but it doesn’t make juggling everything impossible. I made a choice. I knew the possible outcomes of my actions. I am restless just waiting to know which way things are going to materialise. I know that I’m going to have to redecorate my flat sooner rather than later because I can’t leave it any longer. It needs to look better than it currently does because the state of some of the cat damage is depressing me. I spend more time moaning about things that need doing than actually completing the tasks. I could have done things in the time that I moan about getting them done. I was supposed to get this decorating and replacing the damaged carpets months ago. I just never got around to it. I put it off. I can’t do that anymore if certain things do materialise in my life. I have to be organised. I need to illustrate that I have sorted out my life.

I need to start with my surrounding environment. Studying will be easier in better more comfortable surroundings. The cats may need to vacate their designated room (second bedroom) at some point. I can move their cat tower into the utility cupboard. I need that bedroom if certain things do materialise. It needs decorating and the carpet changing like  the living room. Hallway needs a bit of wallpaper on the cat damage. Bedroom just needs fresh paint and the carpet cleaned. I also need to replace my bed because it’s got a cracked base. Liquid got spilt down it and then it cracked. It’s been like that for a long time but replacing it now is better than waiting for it to crack even further. 

Author: Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. Musings of a Trainee Battleaxe was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).

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