I can’t sleep tonight…

I have tried hard to sleep but I can’t switch off. I can’t say what is on my mind. I simply cannot go into this particular thing right now. I don’t want to jinx anything. I’m restless for a reason but I don’t think that being public about details is a good idea yet. I’m genuinely impatient about certain things and it’s keeping me awake. I know that I want certain things which others will not support. I know that my timing may not end up slotting into open university degree study easily but everything happens for a reason. We spend our lives planning things for the right time.

There isn’t really a right time for anything. Things clash easily but it doesn’t make juggling everything impossible. I made a choice. I knew the possible outcomes of my actions. I am restless just waiting to know which way things are going to materialise. I know that I’m going to have to redecorate my flat sooner rather than later because I can’t leave it any longer. It needs to look better than it currently does because the state of some of the cat damage is depressing me. I spend more time moaning about things that need doing than actually completing the tasks. I could have done things in the time that I moan about getting them done. I was supposed to get this decorating and replacing the damaged carpets months ago. I just never got around to it. I put it off. I can’t do that anymore if certain things do materialise in my life. I have to be organised. I need to illustrate that I have sorted out my life.

I need to start with my surrounding environment. Studying will be easier in better more comfortable surroundings. The cats may need to vacate their designated room (second bedroom) at some point. I can move their cat tower into the utility cupboard. I need that bedroom if certain things do materialise. It needs decorating and the carpet changing like  the living room. Hallway needs a bit of wallpaper on the cat damage. Bedroom just needs fresh paint and the carpet cleaned. I also need to replace my bed because it’s got a cracked base. Liquid got spilt down it and then it cracked. It’s been like that for a long time but replacing it now is better than waiting for it to crack even further.