I’m not telling others to not believe someone’s version of events. I am just pointing out that what they said about me stalking them isn’t entirely true. I made a series of mistakes with them. I just want to be able to move on without the fear that I may be being judged due to what happened by those that know the other person. I would just like to point out that those making those assumptions have never met me. The person that started throwing accusations my way never properly knew me either. They completely misjudged me. I was only ever nasty to them at one point when I was thrown under the bus by them at university. I’m not an awful person. I am never nasty to anyone unless there is a valid reason.
I’m not going to go into details but the other person knows there was a reason. Instead they started making out that I had said those things via email to them unprovoked. I’m not a danger to anyone. I was naïve and inexperienced. That is something that I shouldn’t have held against me for life. I was still young when I got all of my criminal record due to my autism traits. I was traumatised due to my son’s adoption when I met the other person. It’s not an excuse. I didn’t realise I was traumatised until about a year ago. I didn’t recognise trauma in myself until I started connecting with others that had been through similar things. I thought that it was just my personality. I didn’t realise that it was a reaction to things that have happened in my life. I never realised how wrapped up I was in my own mental/emotional pain. The other person didn’t help. They made things 10 times worse for me. In reality, they let me down big time. They will never see that though. In their eyes I was this awful person that they just didn’t want in their life. I wasn’t good enough and they couldn’t stand me as a person.
I’m trying to move on to a new life. I already still have the fall out from this situation to sort out. The unpaid work that never got completed will have to go back to the court at some point in the next few months. I have more than paid for my mistakes in the whole of my life. I’ve paid several times over repeatedly in some cases. I have been punished for everything that I’ve ever got wrong. I just want a more pleasant hassle free life now. I can’t honestly say that I’m not still slightly annoyed with the other person, not to mention also quite hurt. I will never totally forgive them for things that I went through because of their actions and attitude towards me. The only way that those negative feelings will dissipate is time. One day the pain they caused me will be gone but it may take many years. I don’t feel that they deserve my forgiveness, especially when they were making me out to be a stalker behind my back for at least 3 years. I was a fool for ever trying to believe that they were a decent nice person. The truth is that they only acted friendly. The worse sociopathic people can be lovely in public but so abusive privately. I was the real victim but I had everything turned on me. I just needed support but instead they acted snake like behind my back right from the day that we met. I only ever wanted a friend. I had innocent intentions right from the start. I was up front about my autism and my past. This was used against me by them on purpose. There is a reason why no one really knows this other person very closely. They say that they’re a private person but that’s more about hiding their true motives.
Diary of a Painfully Shy Introvert Blog 