I will get the chance to be a Mother again. And I will not be intimidated by the system next time.

I have made the decision that I definitely want another child in the future. I’ve discussed the topic with others. I am aware that the GP routinely refers pregnant women to children’s services as soon as their pregnancy is medically confirmed if they’ve previously had a child forcibly adopted. Those that are always saying that parents with disabilities, especially mental illness, should run off abroad. I didn’t run off abroad the first time I experienced negative attention from children’s services and I certainly won’t be if or when I get pregnant again. I will not be signing any documents to release my records for the purposes of a child protection conference evidence gathering exercise. There will be no section 20’s signed at any point. I will even say that I don’t need the services help (this is true because they don’t help, only traumatise parents and their children) to ensure that so called child protection services are kept away from me as much as possible.

I will prove myself but I can’t be having the pressure and restrictions that they placed on me when I had ‘Jonny’. We shouldn’t have to put up with that type of discrimination due to the fact that our disabilities are misunderstood. Ignorance shouldn’t give the system the right to freely bully the vulnerable adults with various mental health related conditions. I’m still in touch with the various groups of parents that are in that category and regular still get freely discriminated against by professionals in the system. I refuse to be intimidated by the cruel system if I get pregnant again. I have worked extremely hard on everything I have managed to actually achieve. I was bullied and pushed by the services to fail when I had my son. I won’t let them do that to me again. I have waited the stated 5 years that parents are told to leave after having their children forcibly adopted. I went back to get my education that I missed at school before I even considered wanting to try for another child. I’m not pregnant but this is hypothetical after my conversations. I know that people who have been in the system have a reason to be cynical and negative but I’m not going to have a child in that mindset. It will attract negative energy. The current system is fuelled by any negative energy. That kind of energy floating around gives the system a huge amount of power. I refuse to give the system that kind of power over me again. 

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