I’m not crazy, just too tired right now.

I was thinking seriously about that modelling thing. I know that people probably think I’m crazy for not taking the opportunity. However, I feel that I cannot do it. I don’t know whether or not it may be a scam. I can’t even function properly in everyday life right now without constantly feeling tired. I struggled to even do my housework today, let alone live the modelling lifestyle. I don’t particularly want to travel. That is what my dad wanted me to do but I like being in one place. I’ve gained weight because I can’t even exercise (well… I mean to walk on a daily basis) like I used to do. I want to sleep most of the time. I describe trying to stay awake as feeling painful. I won’t be able to keep up with all that stuff. I’ll just end up letting people down. I don’t think my energy will ever return to what it used to be. I can go for a walk but I pay for it the next day. I walked seven miles today, and five miles on another day this week. I had to rest a lot in between to be able to do those two walks. I’ve done everything I can to get rid of this tiredness. I went up on my antidepressants (in case it was depression) and came off the painkillers. I felt like I had more energy at first but the fatigue returned.

I get frustrated because I really want to do things with my life but I don’t have the energy most of the time. I don’t do things with other people due to social anxiety, but mostly because I don’t want to let them down. I feel that it is highly irritating to them when someone keeps on cancelling. I don’t want to be an irritation due to being that person. I haven’t even been able to finish my housework today. I managed to go out to an appointment when I first got up because I had energy at that point. I felt like I was struggling to do even the small amount of housework that I actually managed to finish.  

2 thoughts on “I’m not crazy, just too tired right now.

  1. Hard to tell when it’s social anxiety and when it’s not wanting to let people down.

    Particularly as our brains and bodies feel the same.

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    1. I think a large part of social anxiety is that perpetual and usually inflated fear of letting people down. Though of course both are often the result of the wrong sort of person in our life…

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