Well, I must be depressed rather than have a physical illness.

I just checked the online account for my GP appointments. I found my latest blood test results on there. I’m glad that it has all came back normal and satisfactory. I am still stumped as to what is going on with me at the moment. I may just be depressed. I’ve had people around me tell me that I’m showing all the symptoms for depression. I’m on anti depressants so I’m not sure how I’m still depressed. I know that medication doesn’t work for everyone but I’m only on a low dosage. I’m not keen on being on a higher dosage. I will have to make another appointment to go through this possibility with the GP.

I went on dosage of anti depressant medication when I was in Prison last year. I found that I was better but that was probably amplified by being so glad to get out of there after a month. I could double the dosage myself but I’m not sure that works with them being slow release tablets. I have enough in stock (I order a month in advance just in case) to do that until I can see the same doctor at the beginning of October. I just want to feel remotely normal again. I don’t like feeling tired and not wanting to do anything. I sometimes feel like I’m dragging myself to do even every day things. I haven’t even wanted to get up recently. I have eventually got myself out of bed but not until the afternoon. I managed to do a few things today but it feels like I’m climbing through a mountain of tiredness. Or never quite reaching the top of a giant hole. I was really hoping that it wasn’t depression causing the tiredness etc because I find it complicated to manage when it gets to that point. The nightmares I’ve been having should have really gave me a clue that I was getting depressed. I just thought they were due to things I’d been through. I know that I’m not over those things. I was watching the programmes on suicide on channel 4 earlier. I was thinking to myself how the description of depression was sounding just like me at the moment. That was before I saw that my physical tests had come back normal. I don’t see depression as an illness which means I find it hard to accept that I’m depressed. 

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